oh spare us

1 month to Whistler/Vancouver

2012-01-17T22:51:00.000Z

obviously i wont see this because they sleep in winter when god awful humans come ski. if i did, you won't hear from me, cos i would kill myself there and then. Could not live with the shame of continuing a life back in the Big Smoke, and I would have crossed off all the things I wanna do before I die (am 3-0)

Post karaoke ramblings

2012-01-15T02:03:00.001Z

Fucking finally he got in - so I finished all of Downton Abbey. Brilliant. I tried to explain to Numpty (dah-vid) the brilliance of it all. History, politics, turn of century courtship, class divide, beginning of suffrage, war and above all; a shade of open Victorian pragmatism so veiled and scorned upon in modern life. Modern life that hails individualism and romanticism. Our societal conventions are no less nor more than that bygone era, yet we think we are so much better. Alas! Numpty is no literature student and did not get me. Nobody does. Hence this ramble.
Life is a series of pragmatic multi-tasking and choices until we draw our last breaths.
Post-revelations Sheryl is much happier :)
I wish I had stronger lungs for karoke and speaking loudly. This is why I did not follow my working class parents' vocation, the noblest (holiday-intensive) of them all. Teaching. Because truly, I am those who can't do.
I wish I had stronger liver and alcohol tolerance. No I take that back. I love myself so much nobody understands how high my esteem really is.
I really prefer being Queen Cheap and Boring Psuedo Intellectual than almighty social butterfly. Born elsewhere it would probably be in Russia or Paris as Intelligensia. LOL. Imagine Sheryl smokin a fag, rambling Trotsky or WTF, bitchin about good ol' bourgeoisie or WTF. So unpretentious and not Sheryl at all.
Oh oh Dahvid sleepwaking again.
I am pathetically dry and dull. I can't believe I spoke at length (Picadilly Circus to Hammersmith) to Numpty about 'PE as an asset class', hoarse voice, post singing, nay shouting 'Living on a Prayer'. Mental note: I honestly enjoy karoke
I am beginning to realise small details in life can really make a difference. For example, it could improve your sex life. In 2012 I resolve to be more detail oriented. LOL.
Still post drink buzz, but not drunk enough to conk out or go ape on Numpty. Buzzin' ba dum dum dah dah dum dum dum
Remember when I was a child and wanted my own library, with a ledger, like Lord Grantham of Downton Abbey has? I have high hopes
I truly despise NHS and many other socially valued British norms, and maybe fundamentally cannot reconcile with this country. I wish, I wish I could move to somewhere chilled. Like Amsterdam, smoke all day and sleep all night. Or Vancouver, ski all weekend and party all week.
Sheryl has left the building. Peace out.
Just so I did not end on unlucky 13. One is a loser if one is still reading my rambling. No offence, I never mean to be unkind to anyone.
Desperately want a dog. Not child yet, dog. xoxo

Auguries of a new winter season

2011-10-22T22:26:00.000+01:00

Once in a while - having succumbed to becoming an amenable mechanical labour resource unit for fuck-knows-what in return from society - we have a goddamn duty to think about all the beautiful, celestial things in life outside the fucking man made shit hole Canary Wharf.

Like a beautiful poem reminiscent of a time when we were young and spiteful and insanely happy. This is a less thought of one than our old favourite, Auguries of Innocence (William Blake):

Stars - Robert Frost

How countlessly they congregate
O'er our tumultuous snow,
Which flows in shapes as tall as trees
When wintry winds do blow!--

As if with keenness for our fate,
Our faltering few steps on
To white rest, and a place of rest
Invisible at dawn,--

And yet with neither love nor hate,
Those stars like some snow-white
Minerva's snow-white marble eyes
Without the gift of sight

Welcome to winter again, and the endless waiting for some precious few happy days of skiing. Please snow gods, be generous.

i'm so excited about winter 2011/12

2011-10-02T01:06:00.000+01:00

i love love

2011-06-25T01:33:00.000+01:00

doesn't count for much, but just withdraw the troops now.

my singin and dancing toy-nino

2011-05-21T21:23:00.002+01:00

he's javier in 90210, alex in pretty lil liars or tyler in the so-so mean girls 2 (i mean as much as a wreck li los don't come about often - also in my defence i was searching for FAST FIVE).

i feel my ~~age~~ youth whenever i discover hotties born in 199X whereas for ~~paedophiles~~ men the window of opportunities continually open. no fair

and boys who don't get these scrawny weasely Mediterraneans - you dont get to judge until you can lead a girl in a dance, look her in the eye and kiss her like nothing else matters. and you all think you can, but your execution will likely be as smooth as Dave's.

so Ian, orlando, superman, Milo, johnny, josh, chace, brad (odd one out blondie), sugar mama wants you to snap out of the dark brooding and put on some unabashed apasionado

Paganini face for sher

2011-05-17T20:38:00.001+01:00

I was at one of those presentation or whatever soft skills course and had a 1-to-1 coaching session after. Turned out he video-ed it and my colleague didn't forewarn me...

Colleague N : [17:20]:

how was it

Colleague N : [17:20]:

are you girly too

Colleague N : [17:23]:

hello

Bates, Sheryl : [17:25]:

haha

Bates, Sheryl : [17:25]:

no!

Bates, Sheryl : [17:25]:

i have stiff upper lip!

Colleague N : [17:25]:

hhahahahaaa

Colleague N : [17:25]:

you are BRITISH

Bates, Sheryl : [17:25]:

its so not true

Bates, Sheryl : [17:25]:

its awful i hate looking at video

Colleague N : [17:25]:

i know

Colleague N : [17:25]:

its really bad

Colleague N : [17:25]:

but i didnt want to tell you before u went down

Colleague N : [17:25]:

haha

Colleague N : [17:26]:

so embarassing

Colleague N : [17:26]:

analysing

Colleague N : [17:26]:

Bates, Sheryl : [17:26]:

haha u cheeky

Bates, Sheryl : [17:26]:

also i have big teeth

Bates, Sheryl : [17:26]:

how were u girly, twirling hair?

Colleague N : [17:26]:

noo

Colleague N : [17:26]:

with my arms

Colleague N : [17:26]:

too much waving around

Colleague N : [17:26]:

making me look younger

Bates, Sheryl : [17:26]:

haha

Bates, Sheryl : [17:27]:

i'm oppsite quite reserved

Bates, Sheryl : [17:27]:

arms neatly placed

Colleague N : [17:27]:

lol

Colleague N : [17:27]:

good!

Colleague N : [17:27]:

its more grown up

Colleague N : [17:27]:

and mature

Colleague N : [17:27]:

i need to learn

Bates, Sheryl : [17:27]:

i need braces

Colleague N : [17:27]:

hahaaha

Colleague N : [17:27]:

is that what he said???

Bates, Sheryl : [17:27]:

no he didnt say that

Colleague N : [17:27]:

get braces to increase impact

Bates, Sheryl : [17:27]:

he said a lot of gibberish

Colleague N : [17:27]:

metal mouth

Bates, Sheryl : [17:27]:

i just kep thinking i need braces

Colleague N : [17:27]:

hahahah

Colleague N : [17:27]:

im laughin too much

Bates, Sheryl : [17:28]:

anyway u communicate fine

Colleague N : [17:28]:

so do you

Bates, Sheryl : [17:28]:

i had to do actor exercises

Colleague N : [17:28]:

the course was pointless

Colleague N : [17:28]:

what exercises

Bates, Sheryl : [17:29]:

to move my lips

Colleague N : [17:29]:

hahahahahaaaa

Colleague N : [17:29]:

do it

Bates, Sheryl : [17:29]:

i cant remember

Colleague N : [17:29]:

when you speak to me

Colleague N : [17:29]:

move your lips more

Bates, Sheryl : [17:29]:

i had to repeat after him

Bates, Sheryl : [17:29]:

lips, teeth, tip of the tongue

Colleague N : [17:29]:

lol

Bates, Sheryl : [17:31]:

and search "paganini for face" on youtube tonight

one typical painfully slow day in the office

2011-05-16T22:17:00.002+01:00

slow is defined as "I don't want to fucking do this shit"

Bates, Sheryl : [16:49]:

tommo has a stalker

Bates, Sheryl : [16:49]:

and no cluster roe models

Colleague ATM: [16:49]:

no cluster roe models?

Colleague ATM: [16:49]:

poor

Colleague ATM: [16:49]:

who is stalking him

Bates, Sheryl : [16:49]:

if you have one i might tell u

Bates, Sheryl : [16:49]:

anything like gap to 2013

Bates, Sheryl : [16:49]:

cluster target roe

Colleague ATM: [16:50]:

i have nothing

Bates, Sheryl : [16:50]:

nothing begets nothing

Bates, Sheryl : [16:50]:

i swear i saw one

Bates, Sheryl : [16:50]:

from your team

Bates, Sheryl : [16:50]:

before

Colleague ATM: [16:50]:

yeah

Colleague ATM: [16:50]:

probably

Colleague ATM: [16:50]:

i'm new, what do i know

Bates, Sheryl : [16:51]:

you're an old hand

Bates, Sheryl : [16:51]:

anyway it's an ex subordinate

Bates, Sheryl : [16:52]:

but my ex-subordinates dont call me at work

Bates, Sheryl : [16:52]:

to hear my voice

Colleague ATM: [16:53]:

ah, but tom's ex-subordinate does

Colleague ATM: [16:53]:

and then tom tells other girls he knows about it

Colleague ATM: [16:53]:

so he can seem more manly in front of them

Bates, Sheryl : [16:54]:

yeah i think that's what admirers do

Bates, Sheryl : [16:54]:

do your mates call you at work

Bates, Sheryl : [16:54]:

to hear your wonderful voice

Colleague ATM: [16:55]:

yes

Colleague ATM: [16:55]:

always

Colleague ATM: [16:55]:

they miss me if they don't hear from me

Bates, Sheryl : [16:55]:

i dont believe that

Colleague ATM: [16:56]:

cynic

Bates, Sheryl : [16:56]:

maybe i dont appreciate what i have

Bates, Sheryl : [16:56]:

i'll call u if and when i leave

Colleague ATM: [16:56]:

yes you should

Colleague ATM: [16:56]:

you will miss my strong presence and clear competence

Bates, Sheryl : [16:56]:

but the other day i couldnt even remember a deloitte mate's name

Colleague ATM: [16:57]:

yeah

Colleague ATM: [16:57]:

work friends

Bates, Sheryl : [16:57]:

i remembered he looked good

Bates, Sheryl : [16:57]:

but i forgot his name!

Colleague ATM: [16:57]:

never make as big an impression as you think they would

Bates, Sheryl : [16:57]:

so sad

Colleague ATM: [16:58]:

unless you are a stud like tom

Bates, Sheryl : [16:58]:

or you apparently

Colleague ATM: [16:58]:

in which case everyone falls in love and thinks about him constantly

Bates, Sheryl : [16:58]:

i use name association

Bates, Sheryl : [16:58]:

posh fisherman son

Bates, Sheryl : [16:59]:

you are newcross

Colleague ATM: [17:00]:

really

Colleague ATM: [17:00]:

cool

Colleague ATM: [17:00]:

i love how i'm defined by a neighbourhood i definitely don't fit into

wont be here for more than a year anyway

fucking party wall act

2011-05-07T02:06:00.000+01:00

i desperately need a fag. yeah i smoke you stupid fucking twats

party fucking wall act. nobody even uses a chimney. who the fuck uses a chimney?

a home is a pretty fundamental civil right, somewhere u can fuck in peace

party wall etc act 1996

2011-05-07T02:01:00.000+01:00

what a fucking piece of bollocks. legislators here sure are fucking retards

i'm going to gut out this place, get the fuck out of my way. if i can't do it i hope you all get shot in the eye like that osamah dude

also, why do i get pissed n have supper at 1.45am.

A: i so do not want to go to the place where first cousins marry. yeah england has its own paki up in norfolk. Emm told me the trains there are the old style ones where u reach through the door for the handles and they slam shut. fuck this shit. i eat shit all week. just let me sleep over the weekend. FUCK YOU ALL

prom magic to make you smile

2011-04-21T00:55:00.001+01:00

never gets old

2011-04-21T00:37:00.000+01:00

single gear neo

2011-04-14T23:29:00.000+01:00

in the spirit of materialism masqueraded as art/individual assertion, i also would like this

it would severely upset bikebike, bearbear and kenja (d bear doesn't care) - but i swear i would love them all. i present to you... blue bikebike (neo is such a fucking stupid name)

somebody buy me one?

small talk

2011-04-14T23:22:00.001+01:00

i saw this on the way home - love it. so simple and immortal. i don't know or care about art - this is just straight to my heart

he's a northumberland artist, Keith Procter, who paints his son, Jack, in the berret a lot

somebody buy me one..?

Countdowns and crisis

2011-02-03T22:46:00.000Z

2 weeks... to temporary homelessness, insanity and instability :( and fingers crossed, a new home a few streets down into another shady (tree-lined) basement flat. on this street:

5 weeks... to our possibly to-be-void spring snow ski trip because of the dearth of la neige in France for all winter :(

i need to cheer myself up. been thinking about buying a land rover. saw this gorgeous black beauty, 2002, very reasonable.

small cars are stupid. i look at them and feel like my little bare fists can punch through them. i could bang them. but i wouldn't. cos they're ugly.

we were the KINGS AND QUEENS of promise

2011-02-03T22:37:00.000Z

fucking best song of 2010. try when you're above the clouds about to ski down a peak.

and i only discovered today it's Jared Leto's ! rock makes me feel like a guileless kid all over again :)

2 weeks to go

2010-12-18T23:26:00.001Z

i'm psyched

bears are psyched. the one of left is so stoked i had to protect his head

rainman in jacket i bought is semi psyched, cos he's never psyched

i am despearately awaiting Seb's next instalment of Chamonix snow reports while coaxing myself to lower all expectations right now

Happy holidays... let it snow

2010-12-18T23:24:00.000Z

confessions of the ambivert

2010-12-15T21:49:00.006Z

ambivert [ˈæmbɪˌvɜːt] n

(Psychology) a person who is intermediate between an extrovert and an introvert

I'd say more a social introvert, as I genuinely prize solitude (me me me above all) but also can't live without people.

This is my diagnosis as the past 2 days I have been on those BS soft skills course which I sort of did before at Deloitte.

Anyway the facilitator, Devil ex-HR Woman (DHRW) a trained psychologist, was particularly intrigued with me. She continually gave me special attention, the sort I always had at high school, and at the end gave a one-to-one brown couch session which went something like this:

DHRW: So tell me why - clearly you are smart, have excellent input and everyone in your group valued it and fed that back, you articulated and dealt with aggressive people very well [in the various role play meetings] - why are you so quiet and withdrawn in group, often rather take the scribe role...

Me head: Cos I couldn't give a fuck on these BS exercises, but I like my group enough to not want to scupper it all, and i'm smart enough to give

Me mouth: I guess I'm better one on one, I hesitate to speak my mind in groups

DHRW: Why do you think this is [hand on chin, hmmm]

Me head: Isn't it your fucking socially useless job to tell me why. It's just the way I am

Me mouth: Not sure, maybe I don't want to look stupid, often I analyze myself and others before saying anything

DHRW: And why do you think this is?

Me head: You just asked me that.

Me mouth: I guess its just a fear or self-consciousness

DHRW: What are you afraid of? Has there been a time you have been embarrassed as a result of speaking your mind? Sometimes people act this way

Me head: This is going around in circles. although, I sort of like this attention on me me me

Me mouth: Mm. Not really. I can't think of a time I was shot down in public

DHRW: So why? why are you afraid?

Me head: I would answer your fucking questions from the start if I could

Me mouth: I really don't know

DHRW: Tell me about your childhood.

Me head: you gotta be fucking kidding me

Me mouth: seriously?

DHRW: We probably can't get to the bottom of this today, but if you want to work in the financial services and are not willing to be heard, there are plenty of others who would

Me head: fuck off, there's a reason i do what i do and you do HR, "projects" or whatever

Me mouth: brother.. 9 yrs... rebellious.. difficult child.. scream at parents.. angry..

DHRW: Why were you rebellious? What were you rebelling?

Me head: Parents sending me to shit school. Not girls school. No sports. Not willing to pay for a proper education. No push. No discipline.

Me mouth: just being a teenager.

DHRW: So I get the picture, fiesty independent little girl who moved to a new environment, why so different in private and professional life then

Me head: Isn't that what introverts do?

Me mouth: [shrug]

So in conclusion, my introversion is due to:

fear of offending others due to being highly sarcastic.
secret superiority complex (possibly double bluff for inferiority - but doubt it)
protective mechanism since I had one major environmental move in life, people dying etc - fear of emotional involvement
assimilation into reserved British culture
depression of not being in a freewheeling bum job
fear of growing up
deep seated hatred of responsibility
being precious
being too intelligent for life on earth
aversion to extroverted super enthusiastic people
continuous daydreaming about skiing
habit

WHATEVER. stop trying to change me. i like who i am.

4 weeks to go

2010-12-04T21:23:00.000Z

officially the dearest item in the house now, upsetting bikebike and bearbear

the wise one

instantaneous technology to hold for posterity

2010-11-25T23:55:00.000Z

oh what does shezza get to at night when consolidating the fears of tomorrow's workload
onwards to weekend!

todays is thanksgiving and i am truly thankful. but not to you or no one. just thankful. for many things

the hippos

2010-11-11T21:36:00.005Z

i was listening to eminem this morning, and i thought i dont want to be a goody goody hypocrite. goodness is a form of unnatural hypocritical behaviour

but then you go in and the show starts. so dont go round xpressing yoself

anyhoo i had lunch with a couple other newbies and they were nice. not cool, but good hearts. u can tell a good heart

in shez's perfect world..

2010-10-31T16:13:00.000Z

.. i'd just eat drink (water)), smoke, fuck, sleep, watch telly, grow my own vegetables, ride my dearly beloved and underused bike around everyday, drive my 2 half cast (bullied at school) kids in a rusty, dusty, Suzuki Grand Vitara pumping loud music, work in a cafe, write/design part-time and look forward to the next ski season.

something quintessentially human is missing here - not so much the lack of achievement, elegance, class challenge, or intellect... but simply, the lack of a sufficient retirement fund to support parallel universe carefree me for what i think is going to be a fucking long life (i do wish I could drop dead at 35, i'm not just saying that, i can't be arsed with botox, getting ugly etc)

this is the only pitfall to an otherwise perfect life you may find in Mr Chav. Mr Chav looks for psychological dominance and asserting various statements through... the burberry cap, gold chain and cheap cider.. which while not my taste, is a pretty cool, 'the simple life' model.

Compare to Mrs Desperate Housewife, looking for sweeping romance plus material comforts provided by diligently working Mr Housewife, and the incredible challenge of balancing housework and Chelsea lunches, and being a slave to some previous, precious kids. Urgh.

Sometimes I think I want to move home to Singapore, but then, I'd be a slave instead to a pretty amazing, comprehensive but really suffocating government system of cpfs and what-nots, grinding my way through paperwork and bureaucracy, easing my pain with material comforts (also i'd probably smoke a lot and be a junkie there), on and on and on, till i fucking choke myself to death. Most of all, do I want my kids to grow up to accepting being a cog in the wheel similar to everyone else as the only way of life? I love how London makes me feel: free, real and happy (and poor) individual.

money is not real but the quest for it is. it wasn't what I intended to when I set out, but I'm going to give it one last shot and give myself another 5 years before I properly give up and surrender to this monthly paycheck thing for 'the kids' sake' or something like that

singalong and pine for innocence

2010-10-30T20:42:00.000+01:00

even though i "own this world" and shout 'bus wankers' at bus wankers, this made me bawl non-stop

once upon a time, i was a little girl

i ate every word in this song on my bulky precious SONY walkman (because i only had a few tapes, disney being one, which i replayed over and over and over...)

singing along, excited about life and love, so full of curiosity, so soulful, so full of hope

i wish i could be, part of that world

the end.

everybody come take my hand (and fuck this world)

2010-10-29T00:49:00.001+01:00

singalong and pine for love

2010-07-16T23:16:00.000+01:00

if all work were socially useful...

2010-07-14T01:02:00.000+01:00

...we would all be unemployed and the socially useful people wont have us corporate hores buying their wares. i resigned. constantly had 'fuck you!' in my head but of course I smiled ever so sweetly. peace out. :)

i want to live like common people, i want to sleep with common people

2010-07-13T18:40:00.004+01:00

Middle Class

"A social and economic class composed of those more prosperous than the poor, or lower class, and less wealthy than the upper class. Middle class is sometimes loosely used to refer to the bourgeoisie. Middle middle class in Britain consists of bourgeois people from less educated backgrounds. They would be engaged in owning and running local businesses or working for larger corporations as junior and middle management."

Noveau rich

"Nouveau riche are people from poorer backgrounds who have made money themselves, primarily in business, middle-class professions, or entertainment. They may retain the mannerisms of their original social group or may imitate the behaviour of the traditional upper class by, for instance, sending their children to public school or taking elocution lessons, but often in a way that is seen as gauche by the real upper class and middle classes. This group is characterised by ostentatious displays of conspicuous consumption."

I would like to explain my irrational fear of suburbia, where so many people, young and old, seem to revere here and push me towards in the UK. As you can see from above, the social structures I can aspire to fit into really suck.

I never wanted to be an accountant. Suburb = middle class = compromising what little I have left = I mitaswell just die now.

When I was young, I thought the challenge was to live in cities, see the world and 7 seas. Probably as a bum, like a chain-smokin writer, or a corporate whore who could play the game. My home and clothes would be beautiful, and I would not own one item from a chain store. It would definitely not have a 32" Sony Bravia White Picture Frame HD TV (which I rub my hands in glee thinking about buying one). I once took a silly quiz and because I am selfish, narcissistic and appreciate aesthetics, it said I should be born Parisian.

Lately I feel upset at the loss of my urge to travel (= loss of wonderment and sense of freedom / adventure = onset of middle age preoccupations. Side story: I have the chance to travel but don't have much desire to? Which bugs me) So I already feel rather sad that I haven’t even really lived, lost my youth, married a beached whale, and am turning out a lot less indie/hippie than I like to think myself be.

I never liked pretentious grown up stuff like getting married, throwing dinner parties, moving to white picket fenced suburbs, money preoccupations, taking packaged holidays, comparing lifestyles. But as I grew up i understand the need to be practical, to balance responsibilities with the inner bohemian. I dont see anything wrong with conforming.

But that's why cities are wonderful. You don't have to. They are polluted, crime-ridden, rife with misery, poor transport, inner-city poverty and extremely hard and expensive to survive well or bring children up in. They are also full of nooks and cranny, wonderful diverse character-filled neighbourhoods to explore, markets, cheap conveniences, real dreams and hopes. Where else do you see the juxtaposition: white-van-man, cityboys and girls, rude boys, budding entrepreneurs, the bourgeois, dogs that look like wolves, noveau rich, old money, occassional royalty, artisans... They all get to breathe the same shitty air and eat sushi in plastic wrappers.

I was bred in the most fabricated place in the world, Singapore. Egalitarian as it seems to outsiders, it has its fair share of elitism too. I love being from working class (it's 'real'!). Perhaps that is why. But Singapore doesn't have half the heart of London. Please don’t take away city living away from me too.

Take it all away from me, but leave me at Paddington station with a tag that says"please look after this bear".

hello, my name is shezzy bee and i am a horrendous shopaholic

2010-07-10T22:55:00.000+01:00

yes, even thy Judicious One is subject to such flights of (hundreds of quid) fancy at the end of summer =( sales

as worldly wise as i am, it's always exciting to buy something, add a bit of colour, even if deep down i know nobody gives a fuck what i wear. even i don't (cos i look good in anything, thanks)

Damages

River Island (1 day and 1 night dress) £47
Loafer and bike shoes £24
1 Massimo Duti shirt £15
Zara shirt £21
Mango skirt, blouse and tee £25
Dorothy perkins dress £18
Hill & BEAR pink & blue shirts £16
Jane norman skirt £12
Mid afternoon coffee, snacks etc £5
La redoute (online) £2
Mango (online) 3 chinos £48
Steak, scallops and really expensive grocery shop (Daves fault) £30

I dread to add it all up so lets say I spent around £300 in one weekend

my skins really bad with the sun and all :(

good times

2010-07-06T23:30:00.000+01:00

lets dance in style lets dance for a while, heaven can wait

2010-07-05T00:27:00.000+01:00

watched Jay Z in the park (Wireless 2010) today. fuck! blew my empire state of mind. had me numb in the encore. now i just need to catch linkin park and i can r.i.p.

there were girls girls girls and lotsa skin and boobies and fashion, we love summer.

that's the anthem getcha damn hands up.. h to the izzo..

thought I would tribute the original alpaville - the always apt - forever young

end of an era

2010-07-03T22:10:00.000+01:00

i spent nearly £150 shopping online today buying chinos, shirts and god knows what. feeling rather hypocritical after waxing lyrical about the chanel-totting handbag ladies

Dave brought me to Clos Maggiore which was oh-kay. excellent starter though. i think the conservatory is the main draw but it gets full over 3 weeks in advance. why are we lapping up luxuries (aka burning money?)

so A has quit now, L is gone, F is a blast from past already and newbie J is leaving too. The static ones N, C & An have been emotional and I have been semi-emotional. I am 2 weeks into my secondment (still waiting for XYZ) - the end of an era?

i still like this turner painting. ethereal

i still love tofu porridge

i still stay up to watch whole TV series (dirty sexy money recently - probably explains the extravagances)

nothing stays constant, i dont want it to anyway

the real keyser soze

2010-06-29T21:13:00.000+01:00

1. i always thought Paddington Bear had hurtful parents or some keyser soze leaving him nothing but a tag saying "please look after this bear". turns out he is orphaned and had a bear aunty who stowed him away to England and went off to die in a retirement home. bless!

2. toying/exploring several travel ideas (dreamin doesn't hurt)

Ski argentina bariloche or chile valle nevado
Canada rockies, maybe San Fran to Vegas
Australia snorkel reef, Cairns - Brisbane, islands
Nepal Annapurna circuit (but apparently really not an option in summer)
Indochina (this is more a 'people/culture' option)

I think i'd prefer the adventure/scenic nature ones. yes shez has mercenary regard to life and undermining the hippie core of travelling/broadening perspectives bullshit. but i think i'm done with economic unfairness and trying to empathise with people and powerlessness. i'm thankful for what i have n dont consider myself as avaricious as my chanel strutting peers who have nothing to look forward to but 3 wailing kids and the next paycheck to blow on more chanel.

i just want that precious, precious, feeling of freedom. this is probably why i'm not ready for kids

3. still no word from XYZ

summer solstice

2010-06-21T21:02:00.000+01:00

1. it wasn't a long day for the longest day of the year. had fuck all to do (first day in m&a - begged for work, smiled at everyone, didnt get any. i tried). i love going home at 6. i adore the daylight at 9. SB is so nice! She has the same initials as I have.

i actually think i could survive here, because there is no compliance or 'ongoing' type work. but then PE deals are all about debt (still, in spite of what they say), which can be rather dry.

2. how long before my hair grows long? yet another consequence of my impulse. its not working for torres or moi. mental note: shave armpit

3. methought i saw lou and c on tube. wow, so this is what its like to go to work on the tube in the morning like the plebeians do, in a suit and with a handbag! nobody smiles. but at least no lorry/taxi/bus driver shouting at me.

4. had a lonely but fascinating late lunch watching portugal cane the fuck out of korea. i like having a work canteen! anyhow, i feel sorry for my tired looking yellow skin friends.

5. still no word from XYZ. they are my client - and i kinda think they had someone test me as i had a really random call from a random person in a random team asking for something random. say, even if i do get it, how can i quit? this feels so lose-lose.

6. I am sailing the Aegean Seas come August!

closet romantic (testosterone filled bear)

2010-06-20T01:03:00.000+01:00

what do I watch after Vampire Diaries?

this scene gave me wet dreams for weeks. you see, women lust differently. they build up romantic notions or situations. could be... pent up energy from observing decorum, naughty affair against society, long-running vampire/mortal saga, etc.. foreplay is a gran's story, not just physical. men just go, dick first, fuss free, except after they spill of course. generally scenes like that never happen because men don't get romance the same way.

lonely bear and pals

2010-06-20T00:38:00.001+01:00

I've been noticing blue diamonds. I don't give a rats ass on jewellery, but there's something rather captivating and far less dull than plain diamonds. Not the painfully blue sapphire or cheapened turquoise ones, but the understated real blue diamonds. The natural ones are rare.
Cleared my desk et al today. Cathartic. Felt like I was leaving, but I'm moving next door (to M&A). Still, at least I am leaving. For something I dont want to do and to be newbie all over again. Everybody thinks I'm mad. I am. Oh well, nothing's perfect.
Still waiting to hear on that interview. I don't really care about jobs since it's just a job, but I do care about going to a different environment and moving on. Patience wearing real thin..
My mum was a little insulted when I disrespected women who did nothing but "rot their brains", do laundry and raise kids in suburbia hell. I forgot she likes brain-rotting novels like Little Women, follows local crime (as if Singapore's killers can be anywhere near as psycho as UK's) and watches Desperate Housewives. I didn't mean her! I meant err... all other women
On the other hand, I remember she wasn't impressed when I read the picture of dorian grey.
I am feeling the disconnect with women in general. I feel repulsed by public breast feeders, for example. Hang'em at home bitches.
I'd quite like to do strategic planning in the long term. I like to spend a lot of effort to think about stuff, seek a truth, learn a whole lot of useless things. Then piss off, have a good shit, not bother about details/implementation and think about something else. Like lunch, or mobile phone penetration rates in Uzebekistan, when Dave will book this sailing holiday.
I have no interest in managing people, processes, etc although I appreciate the importance. I don't mind selling; I like articulating an idea. I fucking hate being told what to do or worse, how to do. Professional services is not the place for me. If a client makes me miserable, I just thank god I'm not a corporate lawyer. Or investment wanker. the only self-resepcting job is... self-employment.
Why is my temper so short?
I love myself. just had to say it. But C leaving for her 3 month break (and likely never coming back, or just different) is probably triggering this effusive outbreak - because the times are a'changin. I do like my girl friends. When there is already precious little of good things and people in this world, I feel like I'm mourning great losses lately.
Faith in humanity - the goodness of people - is, believe it or not, what keeps this little megalomaniac bear sane. But you keep disappointing. :(

working class woes

2010-06-13T16:28:00.001+01:00

i had a rather rough week and wonder if it really ended even with the weekend as England disappointed me, like everything else in life

oh well what do i expect?

on the bright side i..

1. opened an ISA trading account and am real excited on the money i shall blow
2. secured an interview and a real impetus to move
3. lashed out to the firm openly and watched their faces cringe
4. am expecting old friends :)
5. found passion in Ian Somerhaulder
6. spent £57 on a haircut only to be told i have a round face, with product forced on my hair and horrible hot dryer blasting away. went home wailing and re-cut myself. NEVER GO TO A SALON AGAIN.
7. found sunshine

i really do need to get out of this rut, please help

Britain's got boring

2010-06-02T10:52:00.005+01:00

1. I decided to revive blogging. Having wound down now to move to M+A Tax (I think I’ll still quit at the end of it, shhhh) I am bored. I have been bored for the past year. It really is the devil’s thumbs.

2. I was 20 minutes late for an interview. I can’t care about jobs anymore. Job hunting is so boring. I really just want to be a Lady of Leiusure (LOL). LOL!

3. I dont wan’t to be

- I WROTE A REALLY LONG ECONOMIC PIECE HERE BUT LOST IT

love song of the noughties (glad it's over)

2010-01-03T14:21:00.002Z

Drinking in the morning sun
Blinking in the morning sun
Shaking off the heavy one
Heavy like a loaded gun

What made me behave that way?
Using words I never say
I can only think it must be love
Oh, anyway, its looking like a beautiful day

Someone tell me how I feel
Its silly wrong but vivid right
Oh, kiss me like the final meal
Yeah, kiss me like we die tonight

Cause holy cow, I love your eyes
And only now I see the light
Yeah, lying with me half-awake
Oh, anyway, its looking like a beautiful day

When my face is chamois-creased
If you think Ill wink, I did
Laugh politely at repeats
Yeah, kiss me when my lips are thin

Cause holy cow, I love your eyes
And only now I see you like
Yeah, lying with me half-awake
Stumbling over what to say
Well, anyway, its looking like a beautiful day

So throw those curtains wide!
One day like this a year'd see me right!

sunday blue

2008-11-16T18:04:00.003Z

today i made a fairtrade milo-cinno and it tasted all right.

eat me brains

2008-11-07T15:06:00.004Z

_____________________________________________
From: Bates, Sheryl (UK - London)
Sent: 07 November 2008 15:05
To: Bates, David (UK - London)
Subject: RE: Zermatt gone

Same site, doesn’t link in cos of HTML frames *110101010101110*

_____________________________________________
From: Bates, David (UK - London)
Sent: 07 November 2008 15:03
To: Bates, Sheryl (UK - London)
Subject: RE: Zermatt gone

Can I see the 360 one?

_____________________________________________
From: Bates, Sheryl (UK - London)
Sent: 07 November 2008 15:01
To: Bates, David (UK - London)
Subject: RE: Zermatt gone

Tignes - Les Airelles du Montana has £360 for 13 Dec. room's small but close to slope
It’s the gamble not decision that's hard - If I pay a premium of 1.94 for xmas week, how much more odds of snow, how much less mod cons, is it enough to compensate 10101011101010 *sheryl's little brain explode*
Interactive resorts clearly slash only when they can't fill it.. go other sites for alternative deals..
_____________________________________________
From: Bates, David (UK - London)
Sent: 07 November 2008 13:42
To: Bates, Sheryl (UK - London)
Subject: RE: Zermatt gone

http://www.last-minute-ski-deals.co.uk/ just so hard to make a decision……..to wait or not to wait
Btw I am pretty sure I could get the week before off….

_____________________________________________
From: Bates, Sheryl (UK - London)
Sent: 06 November 2008 14:51
To: Bates, David (UK - London)
Subject: RE: Zermatt gone

so excited about going Switzerland for a change as well
well Mister I-dunno-I'm-an-indecisive-girlie-what-do-you-think-hunnie-bunn
you go book Tignes 20 Dec, chalet apartment Tichot, £629 then, with Interactive Resorts (just google)
Or anything better
If I'm not carving or jumping deep snow by Christmas you officially sleep on couch
with no custody of teddy bears

_____________________________________________
From: Bates, David (UK - London)
Sent: 06 November 2008 14:41
To: Bates, Sheryl (UK - London)
Subject: RE: Zermatt gone

Sorry

_____________________________________________
From: Bates, Sheryl (UK - London)
Sent: 06 November 2008 14:39
To: Bates, David (UK - London)
Subject: Zermatt gone

Your fault!
Your fault!

4 bagels in a day

2008-11-03T12:21:00.002Z

i would like to rip out my gastrointestinal tracts and never be allowed to eat again
gastritis hurts - dont try at home

why am i such a melodrama of excesses!

culture assimilation day

2008-08-17T23:11:00.002+01:00

the first sex & the city column

2008-08-08T11:06:00.005+01:00

dont think i can take this lack of work much more.

partner gossip is often whose aston martin v8 was parked at lunch today. whos not slept with who. who pays most (number of, not amount) alimonies. how blonde bombshell can be with sir-hair-transplant.

it is as wild as accountancy gets and as fun impersonal tragedies can be.

when i first joined in '06 this partner called Carol had a go at me over like, excel macros
i didn't know then her new husband then was another Deloitte partner, Ken
each had kids, but got divorced, n married each other
but he got stuffed appealing his divorce ruling - which became UK case law (precedent for subsequent rulings)

which explains the irritability given that poor Carol had to pick up the dirty laundry tab, since Mr Carol would be skint with £500k p.a. left (PV, assume 50 year @ 5% = £9.2m)

http://www.fmwf.com/newsarticle.php?id=821&cat=5
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/5010888.stm

strangely i feel for her, as they want to properly get together beyond a typical fling or youthful infatuation. look at him, it sure ain't lust. or is it.
she told someone when she first got married, she was so poor she hand-sewed her wedding dress

when older ppl have everything they need and want, having created the future we younger ones work (or twiddle thumbs) for - get together against the world and all odds, in spite of moral sensibilities and consideration for children, is it immaturity, or silly, pure adolescent love?

blame the tart, blame the fart, but with wedding bells (circa 10 my age) n divorce papers (countless) n scandalous stories (more limited to crazy crowds) cavorting and hurtling at me at equally crazy speeds, i don't know.

illustrative guide to reckless cycling (disclaimer: child's drawing not mine)

2008-08-07T17:27:00.005+01:00

Oh so petty, I feel petty n witty n bright, And I pity

2008-08-07T17:15:00.002+01:00

Bates, Sheryl (UK - London) [16:36]: its ok if you're sent to kazaktsan i'll support you
Bates, Sheryl (UK - London) [16:36]: in spirit
Bates, David (UK - London) [16:36]: plus one - for which she gave me the wrong one
Bates, David (UK - London) [16:36]: you wouldnt come?
Bates, Sheryl (UK - London) [16:36]:i would if like paris, ny

....

Bates, David (UK - London) [16:46]: EC4R
Bates, Sheryl (UK - London) [16:46]: well near enough to sneak round
Bates, David (UK - London) [16:46]: your so clever
Bates, David (UK - London) [16:47]: there must be something out there for a commsensical information gatherer
Bates, David (UK - London) [16:47]: i m sorry honey but you should be in research
Bates, Sheryl (UK - London) [16:47]: you mean espionage
Bates, Sheryl (UK - London) [16:48]: i think u need more than google to go MI5

why get over yourself

2008-08-07T17:10:00.003+01:00

Bates, Sheryl (UK - London) [11:32]: Have we reached the point where we need scheduled love?
Bates, David (UK - London) [11:32]: haha
Bates, David (UK - London) [11:32]: ilike scheduling
Bates, David (UK - London) [11:32]: in fact i should be a scheduler
Bates, David (UK - London) [11:32]: think i would make a great PA
Bates, Sheryl (UK - London) [11:35]: that is mine
Bates, Sheryl (UK - London) [11:35]: ask my mum
Bates, Sheryl (UK - London) [11:35]: she's got proof
Bates, Sheryl (UK - London) [11:35]: i cut out classified ad jobs for PA
Bates, Sheryl (UK - London) [11:35]: they laughed then, but didnt realise they were encouraging a bum
Bates, David (UK - London) [11:37]: haha
Bates, David (UK - London) [11:37]: when did you cut out Bates, David (UK - London) [11:37]: when yo uwere a kid?
Bates, Sheryl (UK - London) [11:39]: yeah Bates, Sheryl (UK - London) [11:39]: i switched when i saw IT get paid more
Bates, Sheryl (UK - London) [11:40]: systems consultant. but i'm pretending that nvr happened Bates, David (UK - London) [11:40]: haha
Bates, Sheryl (UK - London) [11:40]: when i was very very young. i said i will apply when i am older. they were trying to explain the job wouldnt exist then
Bates, David (UK - London) [11:40]: you were such a geeky kid
Bates, David (UK - London) [11:40]: its so cute
Bates, David (UK - London) [11:40]: haha
Bates, Sheryl (UK - London) [11:41]: well my dad explained what "saving" was
Bates, Sheryl (UK - London) [11:41]: n he said - like taking the bus instead of taxi
Bates, David (UK - London) [11:41]: that would be so good go to an interview with an old paper cutting saying this has been my lifelong aim
Bates, Sheryl (UK - London) [11:41]: n u can have more money
Bates, Sheryl (UK - London) [11:41]: so i kept bus tickets
Bates, Sheryl (UK - London) [11:41]: after a few weeks asked why it doesnt turn into dollars
Bates, David (UK - London) [11:41]:
Bates, Sheryl (UK - London) [11:42]: then they explain it doesnt work that way, n i was quite upset
Bates, Sheryl (UK - London) [11:42]: also after a while they started answering my questions with "cos the sky is so high"
Bates, Sheryl (UK - London) [11:43]: killing my learning ability and hindering my Oxbridge chances
Bates, David (UK - London) [11:45]: awwww
Bates, David (UK - London) [11:45]: please tell me our kids will be like you and not me
Bates, Sheryl (UK - London) [11:46]: i dont think we'll hv kids cos i'll be out of job
Bates, Sheryl (UK - London) [11:46]: "mummy had no work to do in tax so chatted on MSN all day" Bates, David (UK - London) [11:46]: distracted daddy
Bates, Sheryl (UK - London) [11:46]: "it was good to be paid for nothing while it lasted"
Bates, David (UK - London) [11:46]: so daddy got fired
Bates, Sheryl (UK - London) [11:47]: "n set up a hedge fund"
Bates, Sheryl (UK - London) [11:47]: "morale of story: you dont need to work yr balls off to get anywhere in life"
Bates, Sheryl (UK - London) [11:48]: i'll make them sell smoothies next to the lemonade kids on addison gdns

Explanation For The Lack of Postings

2007-11-01T11:16:00.000Z

You are 85% Rational, 28% Extroverted, 42% Brutal, and 0% Arrogant

You are the Robot!

You are characterized by your rationality. In fact, this is really ALL you are characterized by. Like a cold, heartless machine, you are so logical and unemotional that you scarcely seem human. For instance, you are very humble and don't bother thinking of your own interests, you are very gentle and lack emotion, and you are also very introverted and introspective. You may have noticed that these traits are just as applicable to your laptop as they are to a human being. You are not like the robots they show in the movies. Movie robots are make-believe, because they always get all personable and likeable after being struck by lightning, or they are cold, cruel killing machines. In all reality, though, you are much more boring than all that. Real robots just sit there, doing their stupid jobs, and doing little else. If you get struck by lightning, you won't develop a winning personality and heart of gold. (Robots don't have hearts, silly, and if they did, they would probably be made of steel, not gold.) You also won't be likely to terrorize humanity by becoming an ultra-violent killing machine sent into the past to kill the mother of a child who will lead a rebellion against machines, because that movie was dumb as hell, and because real robots don't kill--they horribly maim at best, and they don't even do that on purpose. Real robots are boringly kind and all too rarely try to kill people. In all my years, my laptop has only attacked me once, and that was only because my brother threw it at me. In short, your personality defect is that you don't really HAVE a personality. You are one of those annoying, super-logical people that never gets upset or flustered. Unless, of course, you short circuit. Or if someone throws a pie at you. Pies sure are delicious.

To put it less negatively
1. You are more RATIONAL than intuitive.
2. You are more INTROVERTED than extroverted.
You are more GENTLE than brutal.
4. You are more HUMBLE than arrogant

Take the test here

sublime sunday

2007-06-17T22:05:00.001+01:00

so this was the first sunday i had in a while, and the days are far more forgiving when you don't have exams. ive never worked harder in my life for exams, wait, i've never fucking worked for an exam, not even uni finals. contrary to what i thought, u dont magically flog the goods as long as you work for it. u fail every test miserably then pray hard that you pass the real thing. sorry, i never really took to education, only just figured out the system.

we had a picnic, i had my wholefoods market fix; yesterday we had malaysian at portobello road, reminisced with first year uni peeps, had a picnic too, and felt strangely relieved. i'm not the only struggling fool in the world. my employer is not being bought nor do i have to write contracts. i speed-read Schmawyers Babble on a Complex Property Swap and whisper, "looks fine". come, fester along..

finally, a british sports winner!

anyways there's yet another talent show where they compete to sing in front of the queen (how that is an honour i dont know). so, weep like you would at your funeral , cos i did, as did the great british public. dave consoled me by saying he cried at pavarotti/3 tenors' - i was consoled and also mental noted the need to check my gaydar asap.

on another note, i wanted to play this lalala tune at my wedding, but never got the opportunity to - having (impulse) bought the Meet Joe Black cd. so there, i dedicate to you my love.

i can't wait for Brothers & Sisters

i dont want to be a mathematician

2007-06-09T03:41:00.000+01:00

You Are An INTP

The Thinker

You are analytical and logical - and on a quest to learn everything you can.
Smart and complex, you always love a new intellectual challenge.
Your biggest pet peeve is people who slow you down with trivial chit chat.
A quiet maverick, you tend to ignore rules and authority whenever you feel like it.

In love, you are an easy person to fall for. But not an easy person to stay in love with.
Although you are quite flexible, you often come off as aloof or argumentative.

At work, you are both a logical and creative thinker. You are great at solving problems.
You would make an excellent mathematician, programmer, or professor.

How you see yourself: Creative, fair, and tough-minded

When other people don't get you, they see you as: arrogant, cold, and robotic

What's Your Personality Type?

monty python was not a chartered accountant

2007-05-25T00:32:00.000+01:00

every now and again i slip into a bout of dolefulness which generally includes snapping at anyone in my path, even the teddy bears. i'd google 'depression' or 'pms' and get extremely perturbed that my symptoms are just not bad enough to qualify for prozac or whatever they hand out these days, oh wait, i cant even see a doctor cos i'm not registered in my doctor 'catchment area'. then some pop-up banner on world hunger, middle east or WWF conveniently appears to remind you how contemptible you and all your grudges are RELATIVELY. i mean, i didnt fucking draw some arbitary lines on a map in 1948.

i am sure everyone has their moments, whether consciously or not. we shop, drink, work, reach out to another - generally indulge in some form, and find another day dawn. this almost suggests that everybody's activities are driven by guilt rather than morals. anyway, i dont have a point to make, so if you found your way here sorry if i made you a little morose. there are many reasons to give cheer in life, even if every now and again you feel like you have expended all your energy.

notes
1. exams are NOT the root of all brooding evils.
2. they have little kaya buns here. kaya! i am actually getting chubby.
3. do u like to wander and wonder, and do you believe in the sublime?

Your Personality Is Like Heroin

You're capable of the highest highs and the lowest lows.
Addicted to feeling good, you'll do almost anything to avoid pain.
People seek you out, even though you can be quite moody. They're hooked on you!

What Drug Is Your Personality Like?

You Are Impressionism

You think the world is quite beautiful, especially if you look at it in new and interesting ways.
You tend to focus on color and movement in art.
For you, seeing the big picture is much more important than recording every little detail.
You can find inspiration anywhere... especially from nature.

What Art Movement Are You?

Your Job Dissatisfaction Level is 46%

Well, you don't have the worst job in the world, but it's not great.
And don't worry, you're not the problem - your company is.
Start looking around for another job, even if you're not totally fed up.
Because in time, you're going to be dying to quit!

Should You Quit Your Job?

holidaying with goliath slayer

2007-04-08T19:26:00.000+01:00

courtesty of mynn

2007-03-26T00:14:00.001+01:00

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

happily ever after update

2007-03-04T01:23:00.000Z

on fridays i lug my suitcase through rain, meet Dave full of self pity and lash out the profanities between mouthfuls of jap or korean food, giving him little chance to speak.

on saturdays we test our egalitarian beliefs by wandering a half mile radius from home, bringing us to some most resplendent rows of stucco-fronted Georgian townhouses. These are tucked merrily away from prying eyes, council-flat infestations and ugly traffic rat runs. Unlike Chelsea or Hampstead, this is noveau rich, and has all the charm of bohemian understatement. Somewhat like the 'reverse snobbery' culture permeating British Elite, e.g. hiding the private school upbringing. Anyway, point is, we (Dave really) found a total of one pound fifty pence on the kerbs today.

we usually go to portobello road. i love markets. today he had a german chicken escalope burger of german porportions and I had passable Malaysian fare. I characteristically pretend to be a food snob but by personal standards I think it is awesome. We'd do a Starbucks blueberry cheesecake pitstop and we will discuss 1) our housing issue 2) how work sucks 3) if nothing really comes from nothing 4) subordinated debt structures (just kidding). This is also repeated on sundays.

on sundays we industriously awake at dawn to play tennis, vist an east london market and one of the many crummy Vietnamese cafes off Kingsland road and occasionally bus out to Surrey for the customary wonderful sunday lunch with the in-laws.

at least that is the intention. mostly i get dragged out of bed at noon, watch Scrubs/Ugly Betty then get desperate for Starbucks. we'd then conclude Dim Sum would be a good fix for the blues. i'd then contemplate whether to hoover before getting angry at the inequities of sexes and conclude that I would be living in a hotel anyway and i mitaswell accumulate another week of dirt; it doesnt kill you. Sometimes I get forced at knifepoint to journey to the House of Civil Pleasantries, Judgement and Infinite Boredom. After that I usually swear or whack things about or wrestle Dave. Sometimes if i have PMS i whack things about and wrestle Dave.

rinse and repeat.

don't get me wrong, i love weekends, we all find them precious in our own little ways.

i was a born bum and a precocious one, I have every intention of dying majestically as such.

the year in scraps

2006-12-28T10:32:00.000Z

my 6 yr old camera must hv taken a grand total of 3 photos this yr, 3 of which are crap. we're not very gd at capturing moments, nor hv i got very good memory... whichs spells doubt for my existence, according to many fr the school of visual representation and experience amassing.

but it is down to the geneorisity of triggerhappy souls and the fact that i dont do much other than rot around that make this vague form of memoir possible. it is biased towards times of excess (december), and this year i learnt being inebriated can give rise to some very acute cognisance. i am also now a full fledged capitalist recruit with no sympathies for free love. gone are the halcyon days of purposeless idleness.

happy new year, loves! it wont get better, but we're in it together! i'll see you in spring

somewhere in a lonely hotel room

2006-11-11T22:19:00.000Z

i watched the Royal Tenenbaums the 3rd time, on a plush plasma screen
i cried again, when Ruby Tuesday came on
you would if you were a flawed, narcissistic (but redeemable) and fairly dramatic self-made-up (stylized) protagonist
after all, you must have your own little story

until again

2006-09-18T09:09:00.000+01:00

Goodbye! I'll be on my way now, and I'll leave you a lullaby that feels so right in every way

Muse Starlight

Far away
The ship is taking me far away
Far away from my memories
Of the people who care if I live or die

Starlight
I will be chasing your starlight
Until the end of my life
I don't know if it's worth it anymore

And hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold
You in my arms

My life
You electrify my life
Lets conspire to re-ignite
All the souls that would die just to feel alive

But I'll never let you go
If you promise not to fade away
Never fade away

Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations
Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations

the voyeurs' fix

2006-09-09T17:50:00.000+01:00

because a new beginning awaits me round the bend, and because we pretend to be too busy for our own good. sorry.

I have never been happier that I finally left the City after a horrendous final fortnight. B4 you think she's all mellodrama again, it is the Square Mile & my exodus is complete.

sometimes i have so much unimportant stuff to opine i never know where to start. do u really want to know how i prefer my coffee (dark smooth roasts) and write to Starbucks in hope of getting subsidies for my daily cuppa? Or that I am going thru a renewed hippy phase *to tune of Sandi Thom*, substantiated with Bryson's A Short History of Nearly Everything passed off as first-hand knowledge? Or how many real (non celeb) people are psychoemotional wrecks.. PMSing women and South Africans notwithstanding? Or my taxi-driver-rantings on house prices, the education system, material attitudes, drop in cocaine price COINCIDING with rise in usage, Lindsay Lohan robbed at heathrow, my fab Russian mafia winter coat (MAX MARA, fr ebay!)...?

i am superheroine Domestic Dorothy, my weekly routine is deal-with-beached-panda-monday-to-friday, laundrette saturdays (our dryer doesnt dry) and patisserie breakfast sundays (scraping dim sum) and get-angry-and-clean-once-a-while. My pastimes are wigging afterwork drinks and budgeting an imaginary Whistler ski season.

I recently concluded that aging women (as opposed to men) pile it on not because of age or lack of tummytucks/personal chefs/trainers, but because their husbands hide cookies from them, and you have to eat it all to survive once you find/beg for it. Some mothers blame you specifically, "your brother was OK, after you, cannot get rid - the weight, not you". they say the maternal instincts just come. To be fair she was nicole richie in pointy red glasses b4 i came along, tho she'd prefer comparisons to audrey hepburn.

on a last note, you might like to know dave, in his sleepwalks, treats me as 'audit sample', ignoring all vehement protests. I might look like a book (haw-haw), but I am actually Human.. feelings and all that shite.

dave also broke the TV, so he claims by doing nothing. Now, nothing comes from nothing. We all know Newton's first law says things don't just magically stop going in a straight line. Certainly not things that deliver Scrubs, Lost, VH1 All Access (tabloids LESS reading, genius) TO KEEP ME SANE, UN-MENTAL, TOGETHER.

you might also like to know phone calls with my mum are often long periods of silence on her side, especially when i try to convince her cods (the fish) have a right to resource management or that we are just a lot of molecules. She much prefers discussing baby suri/Tom cruise's sperm "I knew it" or real people goss or the mastermind topic of Old Aged Pensioners (OAPs) - medical conditions. They may look demented and fragile, but OAPS know more about medicine than all the top harvard neurosurgeons & ex-communist bloc scientists combined. If you pushed OAPs, they could even tell you the genetic sequences of amino acids. Just by hearing your voice, OAPs will tell you that YOU eat too much junk, will develop tofu allergy (gout, apparently), will get arthritis, high blood pressure, osteoporosis and eventually die from stomach cancer. They then assure they still love you even if they can't live to see you die, and that they don't regret having children (how that has anything to do with anything is a mystery)

suppose I did cost a lot to bring up

hear ye hear ye

2006-08-22T10:55:00.000+01:00

i'd like to adopt the one sprawled on the lower right
oh wait i already did

Lost in Translation

2006-07-25T15:30:00.000+01:00

From: Bates, David (UK - London)
Sent: 25 July 2006 09:26
To: oh, sheryl
Subject: (I'm too Cool and In Demand to put a Subject title)

They ve put me down for firsts on Sunday at Hampstead (Lords) without asking me (since I have been waiting all life to be asked and I am clearly that good). Will tell them (Already told them) I can t (most definitely will) unless you want to come (whether or not you are coming) - it’s the ground by west hampstead (Oval) station

today's sticky tune

2006-07-20T12:11:00.000+01:00

b&s funny little frog

Honey lovin you is the greatest thing
I get to be myself and I get to sing
I get to play at being irresponsible
I come home late at night and I love your soul
I never forget you in my prayers
I never have a bad thing to report

You're my picture on the wall
You're my vision in the hall
You're the one I'm talking to
When I get in from my work
You are my girl, and you don't even know it
I am livin out the life of a poet
I am the jester in the ancient court
You're the funny little frog in my throat

My eye sight's fading, my hearing's dim
I can't get insured for the state I'm in
I'm a danger to myself I've been starting fights
At the party at the club on a Saturday night
But I don't get disapproving from my girl
She gets ALL THE highlights wrapped in pearls..

You're my picture on the wall
You're my vision in the hall
You're the one I'm talking to
When I get in from my work
You are my girl, and you don't even know it
I am livin out the life of a poet
I am the jester in the ancient court
You're the funny little frog in my throat

I had a conversation with you at night
It's a little one sided but that's allright
I tell you in the kitchen about my day
You sit on the bed in the dark changing places
With the ghost that was there before you came
You've come to save my life again

I don't dare to touch your hand
I don't dare to think of you
In a physical way
And I don't know how you smell
You are the cover of my magazine
You're my fashion tip, a living museum
I'd pay to visit you on rainy Sundays
I'll maybe tell you all about it someday

how to: move on

2006-07-12T17:44:00.000+01:00

half time

2006-07-09T20:01:00.000+01:00

oh oh i ate BOTH meat croquettes (big deep fried balls of gunk, like dim sum versions of samosas).

hopefully dressing up the teddy bears in layers of dave's best underwear, my doeful 'me-so-guilty' look, offering to finally change my name and a pound will appease dave...

i take back the previous post, it happens every sunday. i shall endeavour to make myself useful by rereading Wilde & Proust & singing 'when will i see you again' to zizou & vavavoom..

inside in / inside out

2006-07-09T17:23:00.000+01:00

davedave abandoned me to squat around and get smacked by balls. balls!

i am bored shitless (literally), and it extends beyond finding something to occupy my thoughts/affection/time. it is a lifelong affliction. my mum, not getting me, warned that i would say differently when i hv exams. then i would say, exams bore me shitless.

my work is mindfuckingly boring, i can't wait to leave. to go to other mindfuckingly boring work, but at least there is the excitement of change and different kind of mindfucking boredom.

old people (>21yrs) cope with being boring the same way kids do. by make-believe. they drink, socialise, collect stuff and dramatise experiences to make-believe their lives are more interesting than it really is. or they become French.

my mum's advice was to accept it is always going to be mundane. duh! i accept that, but it is still boring innit. she then suggests taking a hobby. duh! i have hobbies (eating, sleeping, beating dave into submission).

i suspect i may be like those one-dimensional Oscar Wilde characters - like Lord Goring (BORING) or Illingworth - except I am less philosophical, witty, handsome or swingin. which makes me not like them, just bored AND boring.

its another boring era of agassi-sampras-esque federer-nedal except this one has awful cream blazers

i made pad kapraw chicken/tofu for myself but it was wayy too hot.

pete doherty reminds me of a sad story. very rare, breathtaking. not too boring.

i shall now go let chronic boredom and undigested food kill me softly for the next 60+ years. joy!

mail trail

2006-07-05T16:38:00.000+01:00

then annoying prat calls 3 times to hear me go 'sheryl speaking' before commenting on my tone and that i should spell henry as pronounced, i then say, you would have said, HORN RAY WHO?

how annoying is that. i feel so 2nd tier today
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Bates, David (UK - London)
Sent: 05 July 2006 10:59
To: oh, sheryl
Subject: RE: Oh dear only thing on is tokyo drift...... Maybee watch te football instead

henry?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: sheryl.oh
Sent: 05 July 2006 10:57
To: Bates, David (UK - London)
Subject: RE: Oh dear only thing on is tokyo drift...... Maybee watch te football instead

maybe watch me punch you repeatedly *****[censored]****

where is henry i am hyperventilating
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Bates, David (UK - London)
Sent: 05 July 2006 10:51
To: oh, sheryl
Subject: Oh dear only thing on is tokyo drift...... Maybee watch te football instead
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Bates, David (UK - London)
Sent: 05 July 2006 10:58
To: oh, sheryl
Subject: RE:

who are these people

how could you!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: oh, sheryl
Sent: Wednesday, July 05, 2006 5:55 PM
To: angela; starseed2212; sukiyu; cubez77
Cc: Bates, David (UK - London)
Subject: FW:

hi .

i'd like to publicly shame this man.

thank you for attention,
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Bates, David (UK - London)
Sent: 05 July 2006 10:49
To: oh, sheryl
Subject: RE: Game Cancelled tonight - orange Wednesday?

so that s id love too!

how sweet. I ll get the popcorn
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: sheryl.oh
Sent: 05 July 2006 10:48
To: Bates, David (UK - London)
Subject: RE: Game Cancelled tonight - orange Wednesday?

oh wow am i lucky or am i lucky to be your spare tyre PLAN BEE entertainment at click of finger

dont answer that i'll go cry now
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Bates, David (UK - London)
Sent: 05 July 2006 10:41
To: oh, sheryl
Subject: Game Cancelled tonight - orange Wednesday?

Pirates of Carribean out yet?

she updated her comments

2006-06-29T09:18:00.000+01:00

1. do what you like at work. surf, have tea, have sit-down lunches with ex-colleagues, pop out to see bigscreen footie, declare the newbie 'stupid or stupid?' (YOU HAVE DONE IT), call the builder, make doc appointments, leave by 7. i never knew how to create time, forget the concept and it's there.

why busy yourself neverendingly when people steal closing your deals and your clients?

2. after a tumultous tussle (drama well understated), deloitte devilwoman relented and switched me to real estate (maybe leisure but i'll push for RE) i somehow convinced myself that i am an ardent fan of property & architecture thanks to reality TV and how it has been portrayed as r'aison d'etre for those having mid/quarter life crises.

Start date has been pushed back to late Sept but i definitely will leave fucking BeeAss before then.

3. women treat other women bad. For deloitte case going to a man sped up everything tenfold. men are jovial, relaxed and have this Mojo called reasoning.

4. exception being fucked up Irish men

5. I have severe constipation, would having meat help?

6. I lied saying we'd visit SG to stop my mum/uncle from coming over (my parents pretend to enjoy london so it's pointless)

7. I want to be a cabbie, it's a dream to cut corners and swerve anywhere on whim. it's unlikely I'll pass the test (to know every alleyway) havent they heard of fucking GPS

8. sob who will watch gerrard manhandle figo and rooney sidestep carvalho (whatever) with me?

9. sob why cant i get Eden sessions tix? i have to watch every festival on TV.

fucking socceroos fucking criminals

2006-06-24T13:02:00.000+01:00

fucking lost all ghana winnings & came out even NO MORE BETTING

yesterday davedave and i decided calmly and professionally on the front seats on the top deck of a doubledecker bus (best seats in the house), we will write a letter to fucking nitwit Sven with full justification of why 3-1-4-2 is better for England + Gerrad attacking m/field, Walcott to start.

>>It is just before England v Brazil at the World Cup. Ronaldino goes into the Brazilian changing room to find all his teammates looking a bit glum.

>> "What's up?" he asks.

>> "Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it's important but it's only England. They're sh*te and we can't be bothered".

>>Ronaldino looks at them and says "Well, I reckon I can beat these by myself, you lads go down the pub."

>>So Ronaldino goes out to play England by himself and the Rest of the Brazilian team go off for a few jars. After a few pints they wonder how the game is going, so they Get the landlord to put the teletext on. A big cheer goes up as the screen reads "Brazil 1 - England 0 (Ronaldino 10minutes)". He is beating England all by himself!

>>Anyway, a few more pints later and the game is forgotten until someone remembers "It must be full time now, let's see how he got on". They put the teletext on.

>>"Result from the Stadium "Brazil 1 (Ronaldino 10 minutes) - England 1 (Owen 89 minutes)".

>>They can't believe it, he has single handedly got a draw against England!! They rush back to the Stadium to congratulate Ronaldino. They find him in the dressing room, still in his gear, sat with his head in his hands. he refuses to look at them.

>>"I've let you down, I've let you down."

>>"Don't be daft, you got a draw against England, all by yourself. And they only scored at the very, very end!"

>> "No, No, I have, I've let you down... I got sent off after 12minutes"

running commentary

2006-06-13T23:21:00.000+01:00

all the Sweeties in the world are taken!

since i can't articulate in credible terms a defence of croatia's brilliantly disciplined defense (money well spent) or why Vavavoom shouldnt be alone...

all the Sweeties in the world are taken!

Group F

2006-06-11T23:00:00.000+01:00

somehow a lot of my bets end up on Croatia, all the teams I'd like to lend a cheer to have crap odds (sorry Vavavoom! sorry Sweetie!) - which makes me seriously doubt all my blood dosh sitting on Croatia now. better stop before gambler's hedonism possesses me to actually lay* Ronaldinho/unloved Ronaldo (why?)/this bloke called Kaka

watch this space and that webcast screen buried under copious work applications

*not sleep with silly, i meant bet against (sorry Vavavoom! sorry Sweetie!)

contest you may it is not memories i care for

2006-06-09T23:00:00.000+01:00

scribbly Times scorecard Owen selling Asda curry (and Northern Rock) light at ten o'clock Big Brother looneybin Rooney fit maybe Gerrard maybe grumpy teddy bears lambourghinis fly St George crowd pockets outstide pubs white linen pollen sniffles mighty sunglassed folks footballers' wives shorts and little skirts overstated confidence dogwalkers grass space hoarders Beckam selling everything leaving drinks backyard barbeques joggers and cyclists open air festivals another counterculture band flat screen tvs househunting hordes green fingers blinding golden sunlight peeking thru blinds hung over just hung little webcast on everybody's monitors graduations examinations sane ponderings thrown aside 2-for-1 bestseller novels century-long cricket tests national salad obsession gym joining torrent notting hill carnival Belle & Sebastian salacious holidaygoers evanescent neglect of lifelong obsessions flights of fancies countryside exodus

I think, with barely fifty or so more summers to go, it is all too precious.

Did you find today precious?

it's a fashionable world

2006-05-29T17:47:00.000+01:00

That's the house (not split to flats) a few doors down which someone bought for 1.3m. Might not seem like a lot but when it only has 4 bedrooms (they dont show all pics, meaning one is really a larder and other a laundryroom) and it's uglier than fuck (not really, but jealousy bares ugly rears) and it's below average for a below average area, you start thinking what mongrel you'd be adopting when you sleep on the streets in a few years.

According to the ground-breaking Happiness Economists, we only are happier when we are progressing faster than peers; we do not become happier above a threshold income or when everyone is progressing homologously. Thanks to fucking egalitarianism and capitalism, which somehow coexisted for the past century, everyone is generally better off these days, hence we are no happier than granmama in 1957, the year where they found people to be equally happy.

dont worry, just eggheads fed up of academia (pay) and longing to be part of the oxford 'rebellion'.

Anyway points of the day / next year's worth of blogging

1. What do you do on sunday afternoons? I would play tennis (or strop cos dave has a better racket), go to a cafe, read a paper, read a book, watch Beckam's world cup party, go to the park, etc but every vaguely worthwhile activity that is worth its while is better done on glorious Sunday Morning. Better be working than smelling the Air of Death on sundays.

2. I thought what I would miss if i died tomorrow.

- not seeing my teddybears move when we're not watching
- not sailed or surf before
- not yell at slow moving commuters / fashionable gold-ballerina-pump-and-skinny-jeans-clad-wafer-girls-on-oxford-street to "get the fuck out of my way!" then elbow thru'
- not buying quality food, e.g. marks & sparks, and instead getting cheaper tesco versions
- not making it clear to colleagues /grazing women at sidewalk cafes that buggy sunglasses bug me
- not owning any porn
- not making it clear that I discovered oats porridge before it was institutionalised, partly by fashion magazines (?!), in every canteen/mcDonalds as The Breakfast. soon after I went off milk i realised runny oats with a touch of Horlicks (chef secret) is Magic.
- not punching dave right in the nose when he complains about failing his tests or how he has not studied or when he does his lame SHOWOFF pushups
- not waking before dave to make breakfast for him (awwww. but it'll never happen)
- not decking the garden
- not had dinner with anyone who went to Eton or paid 25k a year for schooling all thru to 6th form (as per the top 50 public schs)

I realise I didnt put in anything family, lovey, wanderlusty, career-y, consumerist, individualistic... clearly I dont have nor intend to have a 'fulfilling' life.

the other sneaking suspicion is that i've reached my happiness threshold. oh oh.

3. dave just blew-kissed me and in a deft move i turned my arse to catch it.

4. in case you're wondering, it's bank holiday monday. i really should quit YOUBEEASS. in case you're considering, don't, they micro-manage and pee in their pants over Risk.

on monte carlo simulations

2006-04-24T23:05:00.000+01:00

what are the chances of anything happening? of people meeting, of others dying, of everything? are they deterministic based on already inherent qualities that create some pre-tendency towards some courses or are they wholly random?

i drew some binomial probability trees in opposite directions but they got distorted.

anyway.

dave HIDES food from me. he first took them along to the gym while i sit in front of the telly for The OC, nibbling myself, then hid them in our fridge behind sauces, then eats them. i just ate Strawberry Jam From The Jar, even contemplating leftover champagne from 1 Jan 2006.

i raid our flat (total surface area: 50 square feet) everyday for hidden food now, cos i dont take chances.

davedave bought thai dinner & tulips today without asking how much they cost. while normal for many girls and gay men out there, for davedave this is tantamount to a Fortune 500 company increasing (i.e. not slashing) spend year on year on their own accord despite pressure on margins. i thought maybe he forgot and decided to propose, or confess an affair.

did you know they call oats porridge here?

do you think, contrary to what yummy mummies and governments want you to think, without children we would all be richer and happier? before you yell with derision, think 1) all those orphans who need adoption 2) how many parents were happy normal people once, with sex lives 3) whether procreation is trully altruistic or to finish unfulfilled dreams thru your offspring (ever see how upset Dads get at soccer games) 4) please ignore brangelina, who are rumoured to be breaking up

you know i only truly mean 50% of what i say.

the little ski troopers

2006-04-15T22:50:00.000+01:00

there were:

Posh Enemy Auditors couple who lived in Jersey. She dropped 18ft while boarding on her birthday & got to be ski-patroled to hospital, luckily just external injury;

Enemy Auditor's Sis & Bro-in-law who smoked, fought then played cards a lot;

Little Dopey Punk, who really, really is Seany back in time/height, plus his sleepy mate;

Semi-typical Dad, midlife crisis, and a quiet 13 year old daughter;

plus the Cook & Clean Woman who incidentally, cooked and cleaned in our La Plagne chalet last december and literally overfed us to death with bourgeoise stuff like Gratin dauphinois and fuckloads of cheese, creme, tarts, mousse, fancy roasts.. HATE IT.

other than the whinging and stomach bug, which i honestly am very sorry for (hangs head), i adore skiing & now live till next winter. Eating, loving, exams, raking benjamins & other default raison d'etres would pass time till then.

the rear of val dsere

2006-04-02T00:04:00.000+01:00

30cm of fresh powder hallelujah! avalanche warning woohoo! sunshine ahoy!

i shalt NOT bear false hope and assume that next week it will be slushy and icey with grey skies like all the other INFERIOR alps resorts.

dave thinks hes going to outrace me cos hes better but its REALLY cos his skis are like 10 fucking metres longer and that bum holds so much more CG. he also secretly thinks hes ready for black *wipes laugh-tears*

oooh i havent felt like a jumpy little kid for a long time now. hee hee

i've had 2 greasy chinese, 2 mcflurrys, 3 packets of nuts and whatnots (sorry ate yours too - i cant believe you marked a bowl "DAVE"), vegetable masala, tonnes of coffee, a selfmade smoothie, instant noodles, congee, oats and bread in the past 18 hours and have not shited - i am constipatedly worried...

it was fab lunching/bitching with rak today and i would launch into what everyone is doing now / who bought a new apartment with daddys help / who pulled whos girl but i think catching up should stop like, now.

woo hoo hoo!

2006-03-31T16:32:00.000+01:00

we're going following week! courtesy of myself! after ALL that research, there must be fresh powder! there goes my plans for searching for temp jobs..

dave is self absorbed

2006-03-31T11:39:00.000+01:00

you cant believe how pleased i am to finally unravel all the issues around men. i love it when answers to universally complex issues can be coined in a nutshell.

all men are self absorbed, and all women live for attention.

therein lies the reason why holidays get booked by women.

PLEASE DAVEED SORT YOUR LEAVE BEFORE I KILL MYSELF AND MY THOUGHT FANTASIES ON VAL D ISERE

thng with rejecting..

2006-03-31T11:21:00.000+01:00

is that it makes the proposal seem like it wasnt there in the first place. i declined LSE's msc in finance, finally, even tho i had badly wanted to do it for ages (and spent all the fucking money for a decent gmat) i wanted the pedigree and extension of student life, nothing more. the stuff u learn on it isnt really worth 20 grand, some textbooks would have done the job, but oh it would'av made all the difference wouldnt it.

so i chose TELECOMS MEDIA & TECH instead in deloitte (after very reluctantly relegating LEISURE) and it'd better not be like dave's job at all. my reasoning is so geeky i wouldnt go into it.

why didnt i choose Leisure??!?

but you know you made the right choice when an old dee bee-er tells you they get 45k (AND got promoted AND still living at home dammit) and you grin and shake your head without so much a flinch of jealousy. i was terribly proud of her, as i always will be for anybody genuinely proud of themselves.

days less ordinary

2006-03-28T18:20:00.000+01:00

home pining mission accomplished, should be able to re-fuel for another 2 yrs. nah just kidding. i really should go back more often! xoxox!

that place is creepily Orwellian now tho. today i read again about Temasek (Std Chartered) and GIC

at some point i forgot to notice how counterculture (individualism, rebelling etc) had been assimilated into capitalism

i am going to be the first world-loved bullshit-sprouting accountant. obviously i wont qualify and if i do, i'm going to Investor Relations. Gawd i can't decide which dept to join still! help, anyone who cares to hear. no? die you freaking non-geeks, die.

i read "how to make your husband do more housework & be less lazy" but my tactical strategies fail miserably. there's no avoiding the inevitable. when you make boys book holidays (with 2 months grace time) or be away from you to build some much needed appreciation for your multi-tasking abilities you will end up with NO HOLIDAY and GROUCHINESS and LAST MINUTE PANIC and RESIGNATION.

hometown nostalgia has gotta go

2006-03-06T23:37:00.000Z

1. i've been delaying / mulling over going home for stupid reasons like: is it just to eat? comfort seeking?

2. as result of 1, i've been substitute-comfort seeking by eating cruel amounts of food, makadies, dimsum, icecream, thai.. i think its this vicious cycle of eating out which causes self-loathing and more eating out.

3. as result of 2, i went to chinatown today, lunched at Wong Kei in the big singles table and bought more rubbish, including imitation hawthorne flakes (YOU FUCKING RIPOFFS! HONGKIES WHATEVER! MAKE THEM PROPER & RED! ANG SEK!) and finished 10 packets in one hour.

4. not entirely as result of 3 but as part of the sugar rush, i had a muffin whatever (the one in pic top left) after loitering outside a chinese confectionery for 10min.

5. out of guilt i bought dave one slice of cake and ate the tip and licked some cream.

6. i saw oscar bits on news and beamed watching rachel weisz. she's never gonna be a bona fide celebrity; i dont even think she's an exquisite actress, but i adore the hell outta her. oh and george clooney. will go dribble in private / pretend that thing asleep is george.

7. i still desperately want to go home but a) still shit to sort out b) what would i do? c) i am at home.

the infinite is not possible in a finite realm

2006-03-04T00:20:00.000Z

in view it is in the proximity of your 1st birthday (koochikoochikoo!), i apologise for going semi-barbaric over my ice-cream cone (why wont he get his own?!). i hope you show more oomph next time you get a balloon, which i took TWO days to find. (less a little time spent sleeping, eating & tv).

i spent 12 pounds on groceries yesterday and there is absofucutely nothing to eat now, even tho we just had some alright udon at another of those chinese-run-japanese-diner. oh well, 10 day buy one get one free macdonalds start tomorrow.

downfall (that Hitler flick) was good..

healthy lifestyle starts tomorrow, oh crap its curry dinner

the boy who ran away

2006-03-01T19:16:00.000Z

1. i forget after 4 years, but i wont EVER eat chicken rice again, or anything with blood (with rice for 6 quid?)
2. in fact will contemplate going off dim sum & chinese food, and NO MORE chinese + icecream. No more!
3. it snowed today; i took my bears & pressed my face against a (very dusty) window. you're not far from a proper fusillade of climate-change bawling.
4. y is E ignoring me!
5. i sometimes still wait for OM's (purposefully) ersatz-melodramatisation "why are you ignoring me!"
6. i'm getting panicky about decling firm B and not getting any written word fr firm D
7. i like hearing from some1, let alone 2, out of the blue. it means as they whistled away, you appeared in their thoughts. wow.
8. i may be terrible at handling emotions, but thats what Dr Gregory House is for, wimps!
9. the pic has no correlation to anything, i missed it cos dave thought it was a Cartoon.

happy pancake day

2006-02-28T21:36:00.000Z

1. It's overrated, this Pancake / fat Tuesday / whatever you call it. (sorry, for the past 4 years people refuse to explain what it is other than murmuring "lent", "shrove", "just eat some fucking pancakes"). As with everything the lead-up was more exciting, and now I have so much leftover cheese, strawberries, double-thick whipped cream, ham etc and ungrateful nose-digging dave - all unwanted, yes.

2. Polar bear cos of the new Planet Earth. I thought I'd do my hypocrital psuedo-activist role in countering the stoic apathy towards The World as they fight about Water and Oil and Climate Change and Stuff Like That. (i picked up New Scientist at the bookstore today). Everybody neglects the true so-cute-please-stab-me victims, polar bears.

3. Few days of wallowing have identified why I'm so blue: don't want to move on. Some things you can never let go. I say fuck off to people who think it should always be one whirring, buzzing, feral forward motion. Where are you heading anyway? And I say thank you, to those who pause, for whatever. It's called graciousness.

4. At the core of The Masses, my weak self included of course, is the evil but indispensable driver of self-esteem. Try it, explains everything. I hate how truths are so goddamn dialectical and in your face. Can it be any more challenging? (Eschew the arrogance)

5. About to launch into all the man-made social institutions around us (y'know, governments, marriage, religion, law and many more intangible ones) but already my repugnance at The Masses has dissolved into a forgiving yawn. So good night, and count your luck.

that four things thing

2006-02-25T05:16:00.000Z

i apologise for rapidfire succession of posts. i feel like i'm in between dreams recently, sometimes I want to wake up, but not knowing what i am seeking respite from, i drift back in again.

anyhow.

four jobs i've had
DB x 3 roles
dept for transport
crowd safety officer (that's right!)
student union receptionist

four movies i can watch over and over
love letter
spirited away
fight club
usual suspects? cant really watch anything over and over

four places i've lived
bukit purmei
leamington spa
crappy warwick residences (twice!)
london

four tv shows
house
desperate housewives
scrubs
OC

four places i've vacationed
turquoise coast, turkey
spain
new york
france (ski & paris)

four of my favorite dishes
tofu dishes (must NOT be egg/silken tofu, NOT mapo tofu)
pad kapraw chicken
mee soto
this is hard..

four sites i visit daily
google/gmail
blogs
ft
uh..

four places i'd rather be right now
i'm in the best place in the world, so nowhere else
if that is not possible, dead then
dead
dead

four people i'm tagging
it ends here!

ohkay for normality's sake

2006-02-24T21:36:00.000Z

i want HOUSE season 1. i want i want i want.

i want to watch lucky no 7, gd night & gd luck, & that brosnan/hitman thing...

i like kanye west. (jiggle) i might actually reach in (!) to buy the album. with dave's canteen money.** it's not the bear, it's just fucking-hail-heavens-brilliance (pc too!) - Throw your diamonds in the sky if you feel the vibe!

methinks tis a new era for britpop. jack johnson. (still counts, brit awards) james blunt. unjustly overplayed, but endearing. still like coldplay, but chris martin annoys me. and kaiser chiefs, franz ferdinand.. its just Non-Stop Good Ol Pop these days! cept for "artic monkeys" of course

dont like Pete Doherty cos we dont generally tolerate infantiles and killing Libertines/Kate Moss/himself etc, but i saw him perform on NME awards and well, methinks he's in pain. clutch-your-tummy interlude - paris hilton (on upcoming release): "My main influences are The Babyshambles, Keane and Madonna."

i never got the stone roses, why British Indie Great when really - mindless endless tuneless droning (albeit nicely cheekboned)

i want to go home! i want to ski too. i contemplated nepal too but i'm kinda reluctant. figured, if i died tomorrow, would i rather be hitchiking the galaxy or sipping a perfectly formed coffee (not too acid, hot or flat, must have floating crema) today? would really like to take my mum somewhere tho.

i am so tempted to get all the wireless festival tickets! b&s/strokes is on wednesday, KT Tunstall on thurs BUT eels are playing on saturday! which reminds me, some fuckarse still has my electroshockblues cd.

oh gawd i smell burning leather.

what's with the seasons.. fucking rain, sleet. its march-ish, the last time i had geography lessons with papa plus a torchlight, a little globe and a lot of screaming - SPRING in the northern hemisphere, yes mebelieves where i am, should be like NOW.

**Your on-demand poof! room service this week included one YAKI UDON, one CURRY UDON, one CABONARA PENNE, one TIKKA MASALA, one HADDOCK PORRIDGE, four CHICKEN BREASTS. GBP30++ please

nothing new

2006-02-24T19:20:00.000Z

i try to deny, but it's painfully impossible, so just indulge me yet again.

Chapter 27 of The Little Prince
by Antoine de Saint Exupéry

And now six years have already gone by . . . I have never yet told this story. The companions who met me on my return were well content to see me alive. I was sad, but I told them: "I am tired."

Now my sorrow is comforted a little. That is to say--not entirely. But I know that he did go back to his planet, because I did not find his body at daybreak. It was not such a heavy body . . . and at night I love to listen to the stars. It is like five hundred million little bells . . .

But there is one extraordinary thing . . . when I drew the muzzle for the little prince, I forgot to add the leather strap to it. He will never have been able to fasten it on his sheep. So now I keep wondering: what is happening on his planet? Perhaps the sheep has eaten the flower . . .

At one time I say to myself: "Surely not! The little prince shuts his flower under her glass globe every night, and he watches over his sheep very carefully . . ." Then I am happy. And there is sweetness in the laughter of all the stars.

But at another time I say to myself: "At some moment or other one is absent-minded, and that is enough! On some one evening he forgot the glass globe, or the sheep got out, without making any noise, in the night . . ." And then the little bells are changed to tears . . .

Here, then, is a great mystery. For you who also love the little prince, and for me, nothing in the universe can be the same if somewhere, we do not know where, a sheep that we never saw has--yes or no?--eaten a rose . . .

Look up at the sky. Ask yourselves: is it yes or no? Has the sheep eaten the flower? And you will see how everything changes . . .

And no grown-up will ever understand that this is a matter of so much importance!

This is, to me, the loveliest and saddest landscape in the world. It is the same as that on the preceding page, but I have drawn it again to impress it on your memory. It is here that the little prince appeared on Earth, and disappeared.

Look at it carefully so that you will be sure to recognize it in case you travel some day to the African desert. And, if you should come upon this spot, please do not hurry on. Wait for a time, exactly under the star. Then, if a little man appears who laughs, who has golden hair and who refuses to answer questions, you will know who he is. If this should happen, please comfort me. Send me word that he has come back.

good boys finish second

2006-02-23T18:06:00.000Z

ohoho, i'm min's antithesis!

they dont tell you quiet sweeties only exist in teen flicks and that frisson of imagination.

byebye dave, you (and your laptop) are discharged due to flocks of precocious, quiet sweeties out there waiting for me to talk to them. if i look hard enough i will find that brad pitt + freddie prince + thierry henry + jose mourinho + orlando bloom + owen wilson package. i believe, therefore he exists.

You scored as Quiet sweetie.

Quiet sweetie

96%

Good Boy

54%

Skater Boy

46%

Bad Boy

29%

Jock

What kinda guy are u into???
created with QuizFarm.com

btw i revoke those PR plans in previous post. I think I'd like to be in Market Research after and if I qualify. these sort of statements will appear in increasing frequency due to absolute denial of coming endeavours. please ignore..

happy valentines dear ego

2006-02-14T12:02:00.000Z

1. so-called lover left me a Word Doc Card, with a photo from My Folder and considerate, well thought out or pondered over words from Cheese Machine (think along the lines of a thai Flower Boy hawking his services, "me luv you loooong time"). Worse, so-called lover just bumbles (with what very much sounds like the whirring sound accountants make?) when i said "Goodbye.....for-ever!"

That is not £3 and if my furore is not assuaged by GMT20:00 you will not get your £3 and you will feel pain long long time. No flowers and pansies.

2. yesterday i walked to L'oreal. Won't start why, as for where, its down the road. its like being in those cosmetics adverts (in fact, they were probably making one of those) where the laboratory scientists are all fine, six foot, blonde, anglo-saxon species in pristine lab coats. It's the only way to truthfully reflect how lab staff look like. Instead of white coats they all had fur coats and leather boots and constantly streamed in and out the building, walking up and down the stairways... heaven looks like L'oreal HQ.

ANyway their top dog says "Beauty is science in a jar". I weep, touched at valiant efforts to combat ageism, non-pefection and mortality (what the hell, mitaswell give a shot). So you there, fuck off if you're not worth it. tho, I don't know what's it.

To clarify, i've got nothing against marketing, advertising & selling of consumer goods. it IS the economys' greatest cog and pays us all to keep it alive to keep us alive to pay them to pay us all... it is rather thankless work, especially with horrible skeptics like me (blame my parents), because as mind-boggingly creative and tiresomely smart it may be, it just doesnt have to be. Good goods sell themselves.

3. I think I'd like to be in financial PR (if and) after I qualify. Like in investor relations or covering m&a deals. I love writing, but wouldnt want to be a journo cos that's just TOO sceptical. and tiring. and hard. and requires travel. Planning doesnt always work tho. Few yrs back some nosey beast found my embarrassing Life Plan (like what young girls write: Marry at 24, Baby at Never, Manager by...) and yes, men are just extremely optional/dispensable tools to meet MY goals.

At the end of the day I am just the laziest person alive. As a kid I wanted to be a secretary/PA. I cut out classified ads with jobs and kept them in a scrapbook, and my mum thought it was cute. (could have stopped some underachievers' damage there - Be a doctor! Be an ugly power woman exec!) These 'career' break thing is good. I recommend everybody exercise their ego, shit on your bosses and think about yourself a lot.

I thought it would never come to me, yes that's how dumb I am - I am fucking lazy and I like an easy life cos I dont want to die overworked nor in poverty nor without conscience or values nor without love. Achievements are something that I define quite different from most people since age 5 - and after many Good Will Hunting-esque conversations with two very special mates - its not so selfish to say: what anybody else thinks have not, and will never matter.

It's a little harder to remember when you're roughing it with Society, but now i will!

filling time till death does it for u

2006-02-11T21:01:00.000Z

1. I hate sharing food, particularly haagen daz, with anyone. whoever came up with sharing ? everything in the physical world is divided to units in one form of another. they call them scoops, sheets, servings not quarter-scoops, half-sheets or a-tenth-serving. when dave and i started pseudo-dating I could feed him one spoon and have three myself whilst going 'mmm'. now its like Me v. Daddy - we just slobber everything in competition.

2. I got lost in Denham, wont start why, or where that is. It just bloody reminded me of Warwick. I ended up walking through a stud farm, which would all be very well if it were a collection of breeding Brad Pitts, but these are very wild looking horses. A lot of them, in many colours. I smirked as I saw multicoloured ones and imagined how Mummy looked when it was born. "It was just you, Mr White Stallion!" I was in heels trolling along for a good 40 minutes to get a TAXI.

That whole town had one very exorbitant mercedes minicab at the rail station. I hate the countryside (farmers aside). Fucking middle class wannabes looking for simplicity. Such woes.. get a butler, or send the kids to boarding school sweetheart.

3. I decided to begin every paragraph with "I" because egoism in blogs or otherwise are is oh so underrated these days.

4. I want to be a boy. I feel like uni all over again when dave ed & lot had poker nights, which I liked to imagine is held in a smoky den with a sole overhanging incandescent bulb and the waft of 3-day-old doritos and chicken bones. This time its some Deloitte massif.

5. I will lay off Japanese (food, not people) for a while. Our eating behaviour should be psychoanalyzed. We go in phases for months, not weeks or days. 2005 was Thai. Late 2004-5 was dim sum (passe). 2004 was italian (shite). before that was Wetherspoons curry club and pub shite. Intermittenly there's indian buffet (awesome shit sessions after) or chinese buffet. Of course, nothing beats whatever I make myself, which is pretty much the vestiges of what my gran used to cook, and I dont have grin at anyone saying, that's wierd. It's fucking lovely. =)

The Magic Numbers

2006-02-04T11:08:00.000Z

i like them.

they dont look like much or like they left boho 70s, they're no maestro (who is these days) nor are as stylish as Belle & Sebastian, but ooh do they do melliufluous well :)

see the video a contrived series of meaningless posing tt totally doesnt match the song. p.s. in case you get too soft, always balance with some justin hawkins (the Darkness) for narcissim or any hiphop for some muthaf**kering...

hail new capitalism

2006-02-01T22:15:00.000Z

i know i said stop blogging and this really would be the last one but hey, i get these job emails.. mind u for this bonuses would be in excess of £1m. i mean these people rip the faces of our pension funds, councils (yes hammersmith & fulham's very famous losses), taxpayers and FTSE/State treasurers and get rewarded for ripping faces?

***
Job Title Head of Derivatives Trading
Salary/Rate £400,000 package
Location City
Job Type PERM
Job Reference 4952

Description
A leading, British corporate bank is looking for a head of derivatives trading, they are looking for someone who understands debt as a tradable asset and that can manage a team of traders. You will have had prior experience of trading structured debt, CDO's and securitisation as well as some portfolio optimisation experience. The postholder needs to be someone who can ultimately succeed the Director of Portfolio Optimisation. My client are willing to buy out bonuses if needs be. Please send your CV for more information.

Skills
Credit Derivatives, CDO, Securitisation Trading Experience

Benefits
Highly competitive basic and bonus structure.

bring back the smarts

2006-02-01T20:10:00.000Z

couple hours & a starbucks after the last post i decided to retract everything cos i generally am undecided and unprincipled.

i discovered news on tv is far better than newspapers. Like Greenspan raising rates for something like the 50th time, you see how he actually looks like (so wrinkly!) and that cheeky glint "ooh hoo hoo bernake's gonna get it". Or like blair's Common defeat - on the papers its just another political newsbite, on tv its goddamn entertaining. i love everything about it, the way they speak, the low unanimous "yeaaah" which i do at the same time in front of the TV, the way they shout "resign!"...

back home this would seem appalling. if there were racial & religious hatred or school dinners or health MOT bills they just get passed and reported, unless editors decide it is non-threatening enough to gather Consensus Opinion. In Europe everything -and i mean everything- becomes an Issue or New Law To Be Formed - and before one is resolved.. abortion rights? euthanasia? gay marriage? (OK this was resolved) - some new Mittalgate scandal or MP acting deceptively will detract you. Never knew why politics was so scorned by the City/everyone or why it made such great drunken conversation, now i do.

i gather i am becoming incredibly bored/boring/unentertaining and potentially scouted for as the perfect Tories candidate so i shalt quit blogging for a bit and go live, for real.

bear with love

2006-02-01T12:37:00.000Z

yesterday i tried to provoke utter consternation in my mum, as usual, by revealing that my dilemma, solely by virtue of thought exercises, was between getting a 'proper' career (vocational/professional/swindling people etc) or, -gasp- just about any 'get by' job (starbucks/HR/PA/teacher!/admin/twiddle thumbs etc). Instead of a backlash and discourse about how EVERYBODY SINCE ROMAN TIMES SLAVED TO GIVE YOU A UNIVERSITY (albeit arts) EDUCATION AND SOCIETY NEEDS REPAYMENT in the teacherly voice she puts in on when tryin to assert authority in messy situations, e.g. when you spill crumbs on the sofa. Instead she placidly said, that's what most women are really like.** Dave and my mum are alike in this manner - they dont think or look incredibly intellectual, but they just spit out these nonchalant statements which holds truth.

My reasoning (yes June i make an unbeatable live post-feminist in postmoderm society case study) cant be more cliched - I like the simple life: waking late, starbucks and TV aside, I like being home when dave returns, I like feeding him and then complaining about how unappreciative he is as he stuffs his face with MY FOOD and I like the time to read and think about everything, in dave's speak, at arms length. I don't like cleaning nor do it much, but I like ocean-breeze-smelling boxer shorts. If you dont understand what I mean visit IKEA, hate it as much as I do, but see how much anguish people pour into making love a Home.

Home was never an alien concept to me, in fact it was the overriding one, but I used to think you needed the Individual, your self, career and control of destiny. Like everyone else, I thought you needed to find yourself and passions. But when i really thought about it, i realised that it wasnt that, it was plainly abt empowerment. TATLER homes aside, for a woman (or man) to not have a career is to seriously endanger your power - control over things like divorce, loveless marriages, loss of respect for you, loss of capacity as parent when children grow up... you turn back to rely on what little is left of yourself and find that there is nothing more than a dusty university education and unfulfilled dreams.

Take the other extreme and think about highly-strung and driven top seat ladies-who-lunch (or tea at Ritz). Think about how many families you personally know where Mummy is a city lawyer/Board member/banker/partner/MD who works 100-hour-weeks AND still hold together the happiest family ever after you scratch the layers of butlers and nannies. They still love their kids, but somehow missed their many never-again-moments even tho they would turn out alright. You'd like to say that its possible to strike a balance somewhere, but one thing i'm sure is that true personal success, in business or otherwise, takes soul, time and effort. I'd say talent too but look at all our bosses & leaders & actors & sportspeople and you'd know i'm lying. You'd also say its unfair, cos it can actually work if perversely, that top seat person is Daddy.

Most people end up somewhere in the middle, they have OK jobs, like an OK doctor or OK middle manager, and do OK struggling with the doldrums of life, have OK socials & holidays and end up OK with OK house and OK children. This is the tedious mainstream route, somewhat of a Great Pretence most of us go through. Whats so bad then? The heart wanders - you'd like to think the promised life was something more than an incessant up-down ride to be hung on dearly by turning to faith, blind optimism or temporary pleasures. It becomes easy to lose passion, and love. To me, you might as well have fast forward trials & tribulations from age 18 to age 80, and everything would still be OK, a blurred series of non-events. You become just another commodity of society - who didnt go all the way and could be equally well off doing nothing.

i did learn from a nobody when i was 14 - sad is beautiful, all things beautiful are sad. that kept me alive, and i still find the most enjoyable thing is to savour irony.. all those dialectical truths and catch-22s and passing seasons.. be-au-ti-ful.

what the fuck am i on to now.
i dont know what's my point!

that its dialectical, ironic and a catch-22? perhaps that you choose your values, you choose your life, and whether you choose (i hear cries of geek! pls refer to as gaming praxis) to play magician or warrior or druid... we all end up dust to dust. a recurring theme, but it doesnt matter, hooray!

**I had to pause to think, hmm, Rachel Bobillier, only female CD salesperson (they earn millions), went off to be pregnant and be butt of jokes 4 the rest. My ex-manager, who was on 60k, secretly attending wedding exhibitions while denouncing them. Me & all girlfriends, no matter how bimbotic or smart or talented or pro-feminist, Straits Times scholar-journalist included, reduced to emotional tatters and knee-jerk changes to lifelong philosophies when love interferes. HMM, okay mum's right.

Teevee Education

2006-01-31T21:20:00.000Z

Thing about TV here is that there's a lot more 'real lives' documentaries, especially between 7+ to 10pm filler time - the one where you have to kill time after soaps till before the proper shows (read: American) ER, desperate housewives, house, etc. Which is not so bad but it gets quite dreary, particularly after the nature/Attenborough fad died out sometime ago. So now we have:

• Social Docudrama – E.g. How to divorce without screwing up your kids, this is hilarious. You let them know you will love them long long time, then bugger off have a new family and never see them again after 3 years. The other one is How To Have A Baby If Single & 30, or Why Breastfeeding Is Frowned Upon (its fucking gross) We're a really progressive society.

• Technical – I recommend the dog trainer programme, excellent stuff. I am now fully apt in pacifying pent-up (fucking spoilt) dog aggression and psychology. The medical ones are usually on cosmetic surgery or cutting up dead bodies, and if you're short on porn there's always the one on penis surgeries cos you get full shots of how to stretch that thing.

• Property – Yet another millionaire story on converting that pig sty into a modern country home or maximizing pathetic budgets in rural Andalucia as couples act appalled at what little they can actually buy. "yes its a villa and pool but in the middle of nowhere!"

• Healthy Living – terrible lifestyle, analyze poo, prep talk "Do you want to die?", irrigation, set harsh plan of detox, fruits, nuts, seeds, exercise.. YES WE GET THE FUCKING POINT

anyway i discovered TATLER at the laundrette today and its fucking awesome. I couldn't believe some of it, but try it sometime. It's way better than tabloids.

finally, lest all these media bombardment made me pensive about life and worldly things, i started reading Bryson's The Short History of Nearly Everything. Well overdue, but really, really - made me smile my first real smile today.
:)

yeah homie

2006-01-30T00:20:00.000Z

Your walk is:
Pimp/Thug Styles

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

what, kindness above hotness?

2006-01-30T00:15:00.000Z

Kindness is most important in a boyfriend/girlfriend. You want someone who will go through everything with you - the best moments and the worst, and all of those other moments in between. You love to be able to say anything to your partner, and have them say anything to you. You are able to be extremely close with your partner for that reason.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

Type Five

2006-01-27T09:15:00.000Z

oh whatever, whenever things hit a stalemate always do a personality test. Never hurts to have some fuzzy, pseudo-scientific reaffirmation of our existence. It's great cos it tells you what you want to hear, as much as I am a goofus in real life I will always be 'cerebral' in theory.

bumped into me mate schiffer

2006-01-23T10:43:00.000Z

yeah was just going about the usual desperate frappucino run in notting hill yesterday, and i met claudia with her au pair or whoever (who practically looked like a model too). I said hello to the 2 kids, baby was giving me the evils cos i was eyeing up its Innocent juice & chocolate coins, but the older one was really cute.

obviously sheryl doesnt get starstruck or notice details. she was wearing a long grey jersey top over jeans and boots, had no makeup and looks much smaller in person. oh i was totally cool and did not stare.

why whales beach

2006-01-20T19:07:00.000Z

...i have no idea, mine just parks himself around 22:30 daily, rescue attempts are always in vain (at most i manage to tilt the bottom slightly), it then just blows gas and dies slowly while murmuring. some say its linked to seismic activity; got a bad feeling the one in thames is gonna beach.

never mind Lost, House is back on channel 5!

have to stop eating

was quite down-trodden yesterday at the usual inequities of life as well as the undeserved, deplorable anguish inflicted on Traci Bingham on big brother. but as always i recover perfectly after sleep and food and playing with a random terrier on the tube. see, i think people dont understand how i find anything truly inconsequential, global warming etc included, but doesnt mean i dont feel something.

mmm i.e., i dont give a fuck whether anyone gives a fuck as to whether i give a fuck or not cos i just really dont give a fuck! and this, while difficult to maintain, is the secret to happiness.

days go by

2006-01-08T01:48:00.000Z

very nice dinner with dave's family today, i feel kinda guilty not being totally honest about resigning but i thought it'd be too much of a bummer and might induce overreactions..

anyway guilt and remorse stuff dont stay with me very long. maybe i'll give away some wagamama vouchers

anyway lets see, for now, the days are like flying past and i'm just..idyllic, if that's an emotion

what else...

saw my ex-manager looking at engagement rings in Kensington today. she had a trolley luggage bag, which i figured since theres no mainline train station or airport there, she must have killed and chopped up her boyfriend. (she can be quite intense, like americans, cos they... intensify everything)

people have to stop about babies - what are you doing? nothing.. make some little ones! cos city employers really love women, especially married ones, especially potentially pregnant ones.

out of benevolence, if i had a kid, they will ski from age 1 so that boys will be SKI PATROL and girls can do a few seasons as instructor.

just stuck "i am a hunk" on dave's butt while he is sleeping. apparently i did my best one-liner today. Mate i've been entertaining even before you walked so shut it and laugh.

anyways.

think i found a little more peace these days, and some direction. not too long ago i thought a career was everything (still is, but not the same way) then i thought its family. sometimes i liked to think it was all about me (still is).

but nah, that's society/human nature, what's real is just day to day, moment to moment. the great thing about childhood and youth - that happened naturally; then we grow up, judge, and forget..

LOST

2006-01-04T23:14:00.000Z

somebody has GOT TO tell me whats going on with the others, monster, hatch, everything!

i cant do this, this is very evil and the writers are all going to die of bad dharma kharma whatever even with their clever talespinning skills. so clever i'm going to stab them all.

this is ridiculous i can't watch episodes week by week, let alone wait another god knows how long.

why, why is there telly?!